his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
