I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
