im gay
i know
yea but for you.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize