at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
