if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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