i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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