Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
