So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
