I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize