Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
