i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
