OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I smell stomach acid.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
