1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
