I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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