If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
