Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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