just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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