sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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