Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
