You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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