Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
