He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
