A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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