guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry about my life...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
