my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
