wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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