it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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