Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
