He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
