plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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