if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
