i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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