This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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