Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
