I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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