hotel room ftw
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
