hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
