Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
