she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
