your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
