guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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