I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
