My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
