never play flip cup with pint glasses
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
