I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
