if you like me you must not know who I am
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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