I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
