1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
