Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
