my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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