My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
