I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Randomize