Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
