I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
