I skipped work to stalk him.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
