I wish I could teleport
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
