i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
