i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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