so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We're too hungover to prance.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
