ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
