Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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