We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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