A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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