Need sex. Gaining weight.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
how does that bad decision feel?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
