...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize