Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
