i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
