I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
