my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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