how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
