He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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