just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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