i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
