i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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