She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize